Being the Master of Your Vehicle

This is a reference to the concept of being more concerned for the passenger occupying the shells called "our" bodies as opposed to placing primary focus on the shell, which everyone knows will eventually stop functioning and rot.

Everything that you can see is something that will cease to exist as you conceptualize it. The things that you can not see have no cause to cease to exist. Your passenger, your soul, is one example.

Imagine yourself lying still in a very comfortable bed. Now imagine each of your senses fading away completely. First your sight, then hearing, taste, smell, and lastly feeling. You can't feel the comfortable bed beneath you. You're just there, experiencing nothing external to your body. Nevertheless, with all of your sensors off, your brain hypothetically, would let you know that you still exist. This "you" that can still engage in a self assuring monologue does not have any physical properties and can not be seen. So it falls into the category of things that have no cause to cease to exist. This is your passenger. It is obviously more valuable than the shell that it exists in, because it's immortal. Yet it is normally ignored.

The ultimate proof for the cynic will be when the demise of the muscle called the brain is added to the above mental exercise. Their theory is that this would be the end of the game. But if their theory is incorrect, their former passengers will still have to exist somewhere!

So is your vehicle driving you or are you in control of it? Should you appease your body, which will be a memory in 70 or 80 years, or your soul, which will require a home forever?

I was listening to Praise 103.9 fm this morning and apparently there was an ongoing discussion relating to former NJ Governor Jim McGreevy's interview on the Oprah Winfrey show. Well I caught neither the Oprah show nor the discussion, but I was fortunate enough to catch a caller eagerly taking advantage of the opportunity to air grievances on a topic which included the subject matter of homosexuality.
I'm assuming that her hatred was too overwhelming for her to realize that she was off topic. But I guess she should be cut some slack since, apparently learning that a Philadelphia elementary school plans to make October gay and lesbian day caused this poor reverend to suffer symptoms somewhat similar to those expressed by women experiencing morning sickness.

Undoubtedly the school's intention is to promote tolerance. And it's this and any other call for tolerance that so upsets the modern day Pharisees and Sadducees. Most likely the reverend will not be teaching the congregation or her own children tolerance. And she has the audacity to lash out at a school for trying to pick up her and her cohorts' slack. Well her tirade prompted my own which follows (notice accurate biblical references):

With regard to evangelist Jackson's response to her learning about Fulton elementary's alleged plan to make the month of October "gay and lesbian month" , I say "...and the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, they say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery...what sayest thou?" "...He...said unto them, He that is without sin...first cast a stone at her"

The Bible is very clear about the fact that God is more concerned about the self righteousness and hypocrisy of the so called saints than he is about sinners behaving like sinners. In fact in Chronicles 7:14 places the responsibility for the "ailing land" square in the hands of his people, ie the people of God.
Furthermore Reverend Jackson's ranting and disgust is representative of the attitude of many in the ministry and does nothing whatsoever towards drawing gays and lesbians to Christ. I'll be listening to your broadcast to see if I hear anything of the love of Jesus being put forward. Many so called Christians say that they love when even the biggest fool on the planet can see the hatred oozing from their loins.
I have to add that the church's phoniness has to be a foul odor in the nostrils of God. It is in mine!

MUSLIM,PENTECOSTAL,BAPTIST,..BUT GAY!!

What do all of these people have in common? Well I don't know. That's why I'd like to get it from the sources. My assumption is that the majority of each of their religious institutions despise their sexual preference. I also assume that there's little love lost among the gay community for these individuals' religious institions. Well I am admittedly doing a lot of assuming. But my own experiences are what prompted my speculation about this issue. I'm guessing that for many this isn't that easy to respond to or even to read. But some dialogue here could prove to be informative, enlightening, and undoubtedly therapeutic for the "victims" as well as the curious. Oh I said "victims" didn't I? Well I'm thinking that being raised in a manner that's oppositional to your concept of yourself or a significant part of yourself and being placed in a (hardly)demilitarized zone as an ambassador or sacrafice, rings of victimization. I'm not really finished with this, but I'm tired. Not really sure that my point has been made. Probably not since I don't feel like anything's been gotten off of my chest.

TALKIN TO THE WALLS 101

Behind the walls you will find cashiers who are too distracted to ring up your purchase correctly, give you the correct change, or remember or concede to saying thank you.

Behind the walls you will find young black and latino men who are too gangsta to be respectful or too cool to be considerate.

Behind the walls you will find preachers who are too antiseptic to risk becoming contaminated by feeding the flock and and who are too forgetful to be empathetic.

Behind the walls leaders strategize against followers, oblivious to the inevitable irony that ensues from creating neutralized and emasculated subordinates.

Behind the walls leaders follow followers.

Behind the walls incompetence is the court jester and is given center stage to juggle sensitive and delicate valuables.

Behind the walls some pay with their lives so that others might not be slightly inconvenienced.

Behind the walls the majority is right even when it's wrong.

Behind the walls weak and vulnerable beliefs generate a motivation to suppress all other ideas.

Behind the walls there are men who prefer sex with men but who think that they're something other than gay.

Behind the walls "masculine" men think they're "better" than feminine men.

Those behind these walls see no wall at all. If you see these walls, then talk to them. For it's by the affirmation of their existence that these walls will begin to crumble.

IS YOUR REPRESENTATIVE A WUSS?

(One boogie man's perspective)

Do you, your friends, neighbors, and pets have more to say about the treasonous behavior of the commander in chief than your congressmen and senators? We now know that the presidents' inaction upon the revelation of top aides' involvement in the outing of a C.I.A. agent was due to his own complicity and sponsorship of their illegal activities. But that kind of begs the question of whether or not other national elected officials were also complicit. Only a few seem to be saying very much on the topic.

Well that's all water under the bridge. Or so you would think, by our representatives' amnesia. I've attempted to find out from my congressman where this issue falls on his priority list, and if it's not at the top or near the top, what's more important than dealing with a murderous traitor who's running the country. But as with every other time I've tried to contact representative Chaka Fattah, I've gotten zero feed back. See if you can twist an answer out of your rep: http://www.house.gov/ . I would have attempted to query the senators from Pennsylvania, but for the fact that I can imagine those two combating over which is next in line to lick the president's testicles, assuming they aren't as imaginary as Iraq's WMD's.

If your representative is shaking in the shadows of the Bush Administration, then he or she needs to be reminded that we the people also pay Bush's salary and that collectively we are the real boogie man.

Paralysis of fear and ignorance

Like stunned deer watching rapidly approaching headlights, America stands immobilized by the confused, yet persistent onslaught of its tyrannical dictator. Many or those not caught up in the headlights, idly watch the scene play out, having been duped into believing some version of the absurd notion that conscious, voluntary inflicting of pain and suffering upon the masses will one day have some medicinal effect(trickle down?). [If I hurt you now we'll all be better off in the future] In the absence of real rhyme or reason, the tyrant, with impunity and no remorse, ravages the land and the people. Ironically because of fear (of what is already being done to them) and the inability to grasp the big picture, the victims cooperate with abusers.

I'm really starting to wonder though, if none of the people we are attracted to is the right one. Do you suppose there's some undiscovered law that guarantees that those you are attracted to will be a mismatch, if not immediately, then eventually? Maybe we should pursue those we're not attracted to? Really starting to wonder.

Beyond Crisis Management
(An indictment against immediate gratification)

Starting the year 2006 with an average murder rate of greater than one per day in the city of brotherly love, there's little debate about whether or not something drastic is needed in Philadelphia to address this problem of raging murders.
So I can not be critical of Mayor Street for contemplating a request for assistance from the PA State Troopers and the PA National Guard in this effort. This is a response to the realization that past measures have not been effective in controlling the murder rate. Another way of putting this is that everything that has been tried in the past has failed. Unfortunately, sending in "the troops" is a measure that says you can get what you want through force or the threat of force. If this is the only response that were to receive serious effort and funding then we essentially disqualify ourselves as honest advocates of non-violence, anger management, conflict resolution, etc. It would be completely hypocritical, but, sadly typical for us to publicly and financially abandon precepts that we try to instill in the youth. Incidentally, because the vast majority of these murders that have constituted this crisis were unlikely a part of any organized affront, it's unclear how the presence of the guard or state troopers could be expected to impact the problem in a positive way. But, understandably, something has to be done

There must be a recognition across the board that the real problems are ignorance, ineffective communication, and a love for immediate gratification. The perpetrators of violent crimes have surrendered to the idea that they are incapable of achieving their goal(s) by other means and they do not have the patience to explore other options. Government officials routinely set poor examples when it comes to resolving conflict.Countries go to war primarily due to the ineptitude of their leaders. Unless a country or a person is acting in self defense, then violence is an admission of inadequacy. It says that the victims' power over the perpetrator is so great that the victims' existence detracts from the perpetrators' existence.
I do understand that something has to be done. But I suggest that while we are in crisis mode we take advantage of an opportunity to amass support for attacking the underlying causes of these manifestations of ineptitude and hopelessness. While the shadow of these tragedies looms overhead let's take advantage of the momentum that they have spawned. As potential victims of senseless crime, perhaps we should all focus our imaginations on a day when crime prevention is actually focused on preventing crime as opposed to dealing with suspects, perpetrators, and convicts. In order for that to happen we will have to address the ignorance that limits the arsenal of many people for dealing with conflicts. We will also need to address the affinity for immediate solutions to complex questions.

There are hotlines for people who are contemplating suicide, people relapsing into drug abuse or thinking about it, and for women who decide that they don't want there newborn infants. Is there a hotline for a person to call when they're hotter than the line and angry enough to be contemplating a violent resolution to a problem that is obviously resolvable by other means? If so, is there adequate funding given to this preventative tool, comparable to say the "safe streets" project, which incidentally, I'm in favor of? And, if there is, are people aware of its existence?

There are numerous measures that could be implemented that would address a culture of crime as opposed to apprehension of those who've already perpetrated offenses and smoke and mirrors "tough on crime" penalties. District attorney Lynn Abraham surprised me by acknowledging that law enforcement alone cannot resolve these issues. I applaud her for stating that on at least two occasions. But it's time for lawmakers to catch on to this and really run with it aggressively. If leaders are not proactive about addressing fundamental causal factors, then who's expected to step up? Cries for more police are cries of surrender!

Today I was propositioned by a person seeking DL men to interview for a book he's in the process of writing. I could have just said no, like the anti-drug slogan. But why just say no? Why waste the opportunity to add a reason? Well the door was openened and the following is my reply:

Thanks for opening up the opportunity for me to let you know that I absolutely do not fit the type you're looking for. Being DL is a selfdeprecatory, self-defeating phenomenon. It disgusts me to the core that people would limit where they go, who they associate with, and whose alliance they have in order to appease a segment of the population that hates their guts. The DL population promotes and supports people in power (politicians, preachers, etc), who, many times, might very well be getting theirs in privately, while publicly supporting policies that slowly detract from the ability of gays and lesbians right to live in peace. When I think of DL men, I visualize an undercover homosexual standing idly while he observes a fatal gay bashing. That's just what comes to my mind.

So the moral of the story is, don't come at me for an interview too early in the morning. Just kidding. Now I don't live in a vacuum. I know that there are numerous reasons that men choose to live on the low. But underlying each of these reasons is cowardice. This fact should at least be acknowledged. Instead being DL is insanely viewed as a badge of honor in some circles of the gay community. This is ironic since it is actually the epitome of acquiescence to shame. Unfortunately, the DL phenomenon, in my opinion, threatens to usher the gay community in a regressive march towards a time when homosexuals were treated much worse.

I'm also aware of the marketability of the topic these days. I can't blame a person for trying to make a buck. But capitalizing on a groups' mass neurosis or psychosis seems to me a bit sinister. It's true to say that the DL phenomenon is what it is, so writing about it or doing third rate flicks about it is merely telling the story. But it's not telling the entire story and it's doing nothing to mitigate the unfortunate status quo. Keeping who you are under wraps, makes it easier for those so inclined to continue making your life miserable. Your co worker might not be so frivolous with anti-gay rhetoric, or anecdotes, if he or she knew that the supervisor is gay. But the sup is on the low. And the straight supervisor might not be so tolerant of inappropriate anti-gay slurs if he knew that his son's gay or that his manager's gay. One may never know because for the time being it's "to the rear MARCHING" towards oppression and silence to the beat of a self perpetuating drum of defeat.

These are the words I imagined my departed friend speaking to me in his usual upbeat, motivational speaker tone: "Whassup big man? Don't cry! Be tough. Be tough for my little sister"

Though we drifted apart we were still in each other's hearts. As I embraced his sister to comfort her in her grief, she imparted words that embraced and comforted me. She whispered "you know he loved you very much" A million doves flew out of me carrying little pieces of the hurt. Simultaneously, there was an awkwardness that was clearly the result of he and I having drifted apart.

The moral of this series is don't be taken aback if I should hug you and tell you that I love you. My soul can not endure too many more "if only's" or "what if's". Instead, I hope that you will feel complemented by my desire to be close to you.

When have you last taken in the ocean, the mountains, or a forest? When have you last deeply inhaled a fulfilling friendship or relationship? These are things that you must savor or you will risk forgetting to live. Life is to be lived today. While we plan for fantastical future days that frequently never materialize we must not forsake or trivialize the present. Accentuate the positive today. No matter how small that positive thing is, amplify it as absurdly as you like to the point that it drowns out the negative. It's your prerogative. It's your day. Love it no less than you love the vision that you've created for the future.

If you're gonna blog, how could you debate with yourself about whether or not to write about the loss of one of the best friends you've ever had? But that's what I found myself doing. I guess I was thinking that it would be better to wait until I had digested this a little more, since it was only last night that I found out of his death. For years we were white on rice enough for many people to assume that we were brothers or at least cousins. And while I anticipate the concentrated weirdness that's likely to ensue from those trying to untangle the conundrum they've created by making assumptions instead of asking questions, I would be aggravating my own personal drama if I failed to offer my condolences to his mother and sister.

I guess anyone who's lost someone who was close has experienced the regret of not having said this or that. Well over the 31 years that we knew each other, I think we said quite a bit to each other. And although I have this feeling that we were a few thousand conversations in arrears, I'm happy to have had those that we did have. It's rare when you meet a person with whom no topic of conversation is off limits. It's a shame that we allowed life to slowly seep in to separate us. It happens all the time though. Mounting responsibilities, Time restraints. Finances, competing priorities cause us to distance ourselves from unique situations that have nurtured our expressiveness, imagination, and humanity. Because we voluntarily choose bricks and stones over love and spirituality, we miss invaluable experiences and insights that causes material things to pale in comparison. More often than not we're not very fond of the path to those things we want to accumulate and once we've reached the pinnacle and experience the accompanying anticlimactic fizzle, depression often follows as we realize that those things are not satisfying.